In The Cloud

I’m doing better.  Idk how it happened but i’m finding ways to make myself happier through out the day again.  This is how it should be. 

I forgot how nice tumblr is to vent to.. but anyway, I am still confused as fuck and I don’t know whats going on with anything. OMFG. It’s pissing me off. Why can’t anything just be answered for me? 

I have something to say about the party life.  I think that there is nothing wrong with it in moderation.  I respect someone SO much if they can party and do well in school and work.  I think that it such a cool thing and totally possible.  All my friends, including me, at St. Cloud partied on the weekends.  We had so much fun and made some of the best memories and still did well in school.  I partied every weekend since spring break and I got three A’s and two B’s.  I also passed my portfolio review on my first try and I took it a semester earlier than everyone.  It is possible to go to school and have a fun, exciting life.  I loved school so much, and I met the best people ever.  I just don’t know why anyone would rather sit around all the time.  Life is better at a school you like with people you love. 

I don’t understand whats going on, or what i’m waiting for, or what I want, or anything.  I’m confused and frustrated and just need to forget about it all. People have changed and not for the better, thats for sure.  Everyone seems so caught up in that lifestyle and are giving up a lot for it.  Whatever, i’m moving forward, I have goals and dreams that i’m working for and pushing myself to.  I won’t give up after a little struggle because thats something I don’t respect. I’m all about respect and damn, there is a lot I don’t respect at all right now.  So much I see just makes me wonder what the fuck are they thinking, whats the point?? holy shit i’m frustrated but whatever, I need to let people fuck up.  Nothing I say will affect anyone it seems.  omfg. whatever. i’m out. I can’t keep putting myself through this shit. 

Right now, I can feel my depression coming back.  I thought being home would be better this time but its not.  The people I thought would always be there for me and always want to be with me have chosen differently.  I just thought everything would be good.  I’m going crazy, fighting with my own head to try and forget about them and be with those that actually care but it just feels like they should so I can’t let go.  I don’t know what to do.  I want to yell, and scream at them but I know it will just be turned around on me like always.  I just can’t deal with it. I need Cloud.  Thats where i’m truly happy. 

Yesterday we all packed out and left :( I already miss it so much.  I never thought I would love it there as much as I do.  I meet the most amazing people every and I can’t wait until we are all together again.